So, yesterday I got to thinking.  Lately I have been getting really annoyed with people who just want to argue about why what they choose is better than what you choose.  And yes, I know sometimes I can be bad about this too, but honestly... I try to just leave things alone.  I most definitely don't understand why a lot of people make the decisions they do, and I definitely don't really feel like I can relate to a lot of people around me lately.  But I'm tired of having my choices challenged.  I might think your choices are preposterous, and I might try to talk about why I make different choices, and why I make mine, but after a bit, if you still choose what you choose, that's fine.  I'm not going to argue with you about it.  But then I seem to still run into people that like to continuously and consistently attack my choices.  It's really getting old, honestly.

Here's one example.  Apple.  I've talked about many times on my blog and other social media sites about how I'm a fan of Apple and why.  And yeah, you may not agree and you may have your reasons.  But so do I, and those are valid reasons to me.  So leave me alone about it and stop trying to get me to admit that something else is better.  Because I like Apple and their products, and I may never agree with you that something else is better.  I have my reasons and I'm happy with my choices.  I allow you your choices, now just allow me mine and leave me alone about it.

Here are a few other examples of things I'm happy with in my life, that I really don't need your self-righteous opinion about, so you're probably better off keeping it to yourself: my phone carrier, my boyfriend, my choice not to have kids, how I spend my money, or how I choose to try to lose weight or get in shape.  These are just a few examples of things I'm fine with and really don't wish to be challenged on at the moment.  Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not pointing fingers at anyone, and I may very well at some point ask for advice or solicit opinions, even on the aforementioned topics.  And I'm ok with opinions in general.  Everyone has them.  But sometimes, you just need to realize that that opinion really only belongs to you.

Ok, so I know I majorly failed on NaBloPoMo. We just aren't going to talk about that.  Instead... let's talk about Christmas!  I'm very excited for it this year.  I am even sending out Christmas cards soon.  So, to kick things off, how about some holiday tunes.  I'm working on a holiday playlist on Spotify - let me know what you think:

Christmas is coming...

Ok, so I know I'm behind a couple of days. This post is actually supposed to be for yesterday. And you know what? I really don't know what to post. I guess most people probably post what is on their mind. What's on my mind lately? Well, let me see if I can describe it.

There's not really one specific thing on my mind, honestly, but there are a couple of things I struggle with a lot. See, it's really difficult for me to not sell myself short a lot of the time. I am constantly judging myself, and it's not really something I know how to control. I think I am not a good enough friend, girlfriend, student, employee, co-worker. I look all the time for reassurance (which I really probably shouldn't need) and I don't really get too much of it. So I just constantly wonder if I am even any good at any of them.

The second thing is friendships. Since my dad died, I don't really feel like I know how to "do" friendship anymore. I seem to alienate people at times, and no one really wants to stick that out to be my friend and hang out there with me very often. I know I can be selfish, but I really don't want to be the one constantly keeping the friendship going. I want people to want to be my friend, and right now it doesn't feel like there are too many of those people. So it feels like I don't really "do" friendship all that well, I guess.

I don't know. Like I said, I don't really know what to post, so here is just what I am thinking at times. Take it or leave it.

Yes, I know. I'm cheating. But I missed yesterday, so both of these posts are getting posted today to catch me up. And after I posted those three photos for the last post, I got to playing with them and ended up with some cool variations of them. At least I think they're cool. So for today's post, I thought I would share these as well. Enjoy!

So remember my photography post yesterday?  Well, today I just thought I would post some of the pictures from my "advanced" photography class and our photo shoot downtown on Tuesday night.  We had some fun with slow shutter speeds and "light writing" but none of those turned out super great, so I just thought I'd post the best ones. ;) Enjoy!

There is irony in the fact that today's blog post doesn't have a photo, as it's about photography. See, lately I've kind of developed an interest in it. And, crazy girl that I am, I decided to try to get a certificate in photography while I'm finishing my MBA. Yes, I am a glutton for punishment. But, it's fun.

I bought a DSLR (Digital Single Lens Reflex) camera this summer, and I have been having a lot of fun with it. It's a Nikon D3100, and I've already spent too much money buying more things for it. I now have three lenses, three different camera bags, and a tripod, among other accessories. Photography is expensive. But I think it will be a fun hobby to have when I finish my MBA.

If you're interested, go check out some of my photography class photos on Facebook. I'm sure there will be many more to come!

I have been called a lush before.  I'm really not, but... I do like to drink, I admit.  One of my favorite things to do is relax at home or go out to a bar and have a good beer.  And honestly, I used to hate beer.  I couldn't really stand it.  I used to drink Smirnoff Ice and drinks like that.  I think the first beer I could tolerate was probably Killians, which I don't even drink anymore.  I started drinking it a few years ago when I was in Austin, TX with some people I worked with that drank it.  And then I kind of got into Blue Moon or Guiness, mostly because other people drank them.  I didn't really start seriously liking beer until Ricky and I started dating.  He loves it, and has tried a lot of different beers, so I kind of got sucked in.

I admit, it is definitely an acquired taste.  And most of the beers that people tend to buy as everyday beers, at least around here, I can't stand.  Coors Light, Miller Light, Budweiser... yeah, not my style.  I prefer craft beers or microbrews.  I like trying new ones.  And I have learned that my favorites tend to be stouts and porters, but I'm also picky about the ones of those I think are good or not.  It's quite a change for me, since I used to hate beer.  

I discovered my absolute favorite beer when we were in Hawaii last year.  Maybe there's just something about a beer that you can't get every day, I don't know.  But this beer I can only get in Hawaii or on the West Coast.  It's made by Maui Brewing Co - the Coconut Porter.  It is awesome, truly a 5-star beer.  Speaking of which, Ricky and I have actually even started our own beer review blog, something I never expected to do, but really enjoy.  I'm not too knowledge about beer specifics, but I do know what I like.

I'm glad I discovered beer, actually.  It's become a new thing to enjoy, and even a new way to connect with people.  I feel like it's something I could continue for a while and discover new beers, so in that sense it's become a good hobby, one I hope to enjoy for a long time.  Bottoms up!

So this weekend I had the opportunity to earn 1.5 credits for school by facilitating for an MBA class that is required during your first semester in the Kelley School of Business evening MBA program.  I took it my first semester and really enjoyed it and got a lot out of it, so I figured that taking a class over the course of a weekend in order to get 1.5 credits and getting to help out some first-year MBA students might be worth it.  So I signed up for it.  And it was fun, as expected.

The class reminds me of the Beyond Your Best workshops I used to take.  Basically, you get immersed into an activity that mimics the activities in your life.  For BYB, it was personal situations.  For the weekend class, it was business situations.  It's an interesting concept, because it ends up being an intense situation, and you will behave how you behave.  But how you react to what happens in the situations is usually how you react to situations in your own life.  So this weekend, as a facilitator, I got to observe how these students reacted and give them feedback about it.  It was fun, and helped me remember some things about myself as well.  Good stuff.

Some days I miss BYB.  It was a good opportunity for me, and I learned a ton about myself while I was involved with it.  I've grown and changed since then, but I often find myself thinking about things I learned there and knowing I need to revisit them.  It was very eye-opening, but you tend to forget things if they are not ingrained in your mind day after day.  But I'm grateful I got the chance to do it, because I can honestly say it was a very important experience in my life.  It helped me realize who I am and what I want out of life.  What do you want?

Well, crap.  I basically dropped the ball on day 5 here.  But I'm not going to worry too much about it.  I have had a super crazy weekend.  I'm facilitating for a weekend class, plus I had homework for other classes I had to do tonight.  I got up at 6:15 this morning, and that was my alarm not going off on time - I was supposed to be up at 5:30!  Yeah, crazy.

So what should I blog about today?  You know, I'm not going to spend too much time on it.  I know this isn't going to be quality blogging tonight, and honestly, my mind is so pre-occupied with other things, that I probably wouldn't have much to add to the rest of the world right now anyway.  Suffice it to say - my world is good.  School is good (almost done, as mentioned), work is good, and my personal life is good, now that a certain boy will be home tomorrow (hey, I've missed him!).  I'm pretty happy right now, even if I struggle sometimes.  I honestly can't complain.  I'm busy, but content, and that's more than a lot of people can say.

Until tomorrow, guys!

The picture above is of me and my dad at Kings Island when I was a kid.  I remember taking trips there once a year every year.  And today there is really nothing else I could have blogged about, honestly.  Today would have been my dad's 70th birthday.  For those that don't know, he passed away in March of 2009.  He had some heart problems he'd struggled with for years and was in a wheelchair after a stroke several years ago.  He fell and broke his hip about a month before he died, which was probably just the beginning of the end.

I blogged a few times about it, I think, not long after he died, but I don't think I've said much about him for a while.  Losing a parent is really a learning experience.  It's something that you can't possibly have any idea what is like until it happens to you.  I know I didn't have a clue.  I mean, I've had pretty close relatives die before, of course, and close friends of my family.  But a parent is just... different.

I remember the night that he died.  It's funny, you don't plan to embed every detail of what happened on your brain, but somehow it's just never something you can forget.  I was volunteering at Outreach and had talked to my mom on the phone on my way in.  My dad had been in the hospital and was now home and seemed to be... well, stable.  I can't say he was doing much better than that.  My aunt and cousin had been in town that week because he didn't seem to be doing well.  While I was at Outreach, my cousin texted me to ask if I'd talked to my mom, and said that she'd called her mom (my aunt) in a panic and saying he was having trouble breathing.  So I went upstairs at Outreach and called my mom.  I asked if her if everything was ok, and she said no... he had passed away.  I remember literally sinking to the floor and sitting down with my back against the wall.  I made some calls to see if someone could come get me and take me to Lebanon to be with my mom and brother.  Gregor ended up being available and offered to take me.  That was a long car ride.  My mom called me on the way to say that the funeral home people were waiting to take my dad away, and did I want them to wait until I got there?  I thought about it, and said yes, I wanted them to wait.  When we got there, I walked in and saw a bunch of people standing in the dining room.  I saw my mom first, and reached out to hug her.  Then I pulled back and saw my dad there, in the room lying on a stretcher.  I immediately burst into tears.  It's weird, how I can remember that exact moment in pretty vivid detail.  I'm pretty sure I'll never forget it.

I've learned that for a while after someone dies, at least a parent or someone that close, it's hard to focus on what you remember from their life because their death hurts so badly.  But it's starting to be different.  The biggest way I can think to describe losing a parent is that you think you will somehow "get over" it, not that you will forget, but that it will heal.  But here's the truth the best way I can describe it - you never get over it, it never heals. It will always make you sad and hurt just as much as it did the day you found out they died.  But what changes is that you get used to it.  There is still a hole there because someone is missing, but you just get used to having that hole.  You learn to live with it being there.  And that's ok.

I don't mean to depress anyone.  I know that today is my dad's birthday, a day to celebrate him being born and living, not to talk about him dying.  But I'm still unable to forget it.  It still makes me sad.  It still hurts to remember him because I know he's gone.  But I'm starting to remember and think more about his life, too.  It comes in bits and pieces.  It's like I will be doing something, or hear something, and it will remind me of something about him, usually something I haven't thought about in a while.  But I really think the best way that I have of remembering him is to look at myself.  I see ways about myself that are like him.  I see things about me that I know he was like too.  It's a good thing.  I know I'm not perfect, and I struggle a lot with feeling like I'm just not as good as I should be, but then I remember him and see our similarities and think maybe I'm just not so bad after all.

 

"If you were with me tonight, I'd sing to you just one more time.  A song for a heart so big, God wouldn't let it live."   -Jimmy Eat World, Hear You Me