So, I finally saw The Social Network.  (I was actually somewhat jealous of friends of mine that got to see it the weekend that it came out because I didn€™t make it that weekend.  I actually wanted to see it with Ricky, especially since he€™s been talking about how good he expects it to be for months now, but he backed out on me at the last minute.)  I went to see it with Seren on Monday, who initially had no interest in seeing it, but decided she would after hearing people talk about how good they thought it was. It really was a great story.  Now, who knows how accurate it really is, as I€™ve heard that Mark Zuckerberg actually opposes it, saying that it shows him in a pretty negative light and is actually much more dramatized than how it really happened.  But honestly, I never really saw his character in the movie being all that bad of a person until, well€¦ later on in the movie.  I don€™t want to spoil anything for those that haven€™t seen it yet. What I did pick up on about Zuckerberg€™s character is that he makes no apologies for who he is.  And that he has his own ideas and thoughts about things and will only go with what he really believes in.  And to a lot of people, that makes him a jerk.  His character actually reminded me of something that I heard a trainer for a workshop that I was in say one time.  The workshop I was a part of was pretty intense, and without giving too much of it away for anyone that might take it someday, I will say that it included giving the other people doing the workshop with you a lot of feedback about how you experience them.  One of the things our trainer expressed was that people in the Midwest are just too nice, or basically too polite.  We were afraid to really give each other our honest opinions for fear of hurting one another€™s feelings.  And he was right, we were. I€™ve realized that what my trainer had to say about people in the Midwest was actually pretty true.  And to me, this is a reason why people would think that Mark Zuckerberg€™s character in The Social Network was a jerk, too.  In general, he didn€™t really seem to care about what people thought of him (well, other than wanting to get even with/impress a girl or to get into the clubs).  He was€¦ well, weird.  He wore hoodies and Adidas sandals to business meetings.  And he didn€™t give in, even when his best friend had some pretty good ideas about what to do with his business.  Was he a jerk at times?  Yeah, maybe, especially in that later part of the movie that I don€™t want to give away.  But honestly, he was just real.  He said what he thought and was passionate about things he was into and made no apologies for his opinions. There€™s someone else that reminds me a bit of Mark Zuckerberg€™s character in the movie that€™s like this.  His name is Ricky, and I live with him.  He is probably the most opinionated person I know, and he makes no apologies for his opinions (even when they are wrong).  Can he be a jerk?  Sure.  But I€™ve learned to live with and love the realness about him, because yes, people in the Midwest are too polite sometimes.  Too often I see people be consistently €œnice€ to those around them, and then go off having a completely different opinion of those they were just nice to, having not shared how they really feel.  It€™s not that we hate each other and are just fake nice to each other€™s faces, it€™s that we have grown so used to the idea that what is always best is to be polite.  We use it as an excuse to not say what we really think for fear of hurting each other€™s feelings.  And maybe, we€™ve also let this make us thin-skinned€¦ when someone says something to us that€™s not so nice, we react.  We let it affect us, either doubting ourselves and/or just thinking that person is a total jerk.  When maybe, all they are really doing is being real with us. I know I€™m not always perfectly real, either.  Too often I keep my thoughts and opinions to myself because I don€™t want someone to think bad of me, or to think that I€™m not nice enough.  But am I really doing that person a disservice by not being real with them?  Here€™s the thing€¦ whether you are nice or a jerk to someone, you really can€™t control what they think of you anyway.  People€™s opinions or thoughts about you are always going to be based on their own filters, how they see things, their own experiences in life, and their own personality.  And while things you do or say may make them think differently, you really have no control over what they think of you, because it€™s always going to be based on just that€¦ what they think.  So why not risk letting them think what they think about you (since it€™s always a risk anyway), and just be real?  I keep going back to the book The Four Agreements.  I really like what the actual four agreements are, because I think they are great rules to generally live your life by.  And one of them is €œdon€™t take anything personally€.  I think that if everyone followed this rule, we might not worry so much about being polite or hurting each other€™s feelings.  Because what the agreement is about is what I just said above €“ that what people say about you is really just a reflection of what they have been through in their life.  It€™s just their interpretation of you, and it€™s always biased, because it can€™t not be.  So when someone says something about you, just remember that.  Not to say that you shouldn€™t listen or pay attention to what they say, because it is good feedback and you could learn from it.  But it€™s never the €œbe all, end all€. So, Midwesterners (or anyone out there reading!), maybe you could take a lesson from Mark Zuckerberg the jerk.  And that is that it€™s okay to be yourself without apology.  Not that it€™s okay to be mean to people just to be hurtful or a jerk, but it IS okay to be real.  And who knows, it might even make you a billionaire someday.

It€™s ironic that there would be two movies centering around Facebook that came out at the same time this fall.  Well, at least here in Indy they came out at the same time.  One was actually a limited release and just made it to our market this weekend, perfectly in time to coincide with the other €œFacebook movie€. The two movies I€™m referring to are Catfish and The Social Network.  I€™m sure you€™ve heard of The Social Network.  Who hasn€™t?  If you are on Facebook, I€™m sure you have, as it is the story OF Facebook, the much-hyped drama about how the now infamous Mark Zuckerberg started our favorite social networking site a few years ago.  But have you even heard anything about Catfish?  Oddly enough, it seems to be the more accurate/true story. I first heard about Catfish from a preview that I saw at another movie I caught recently in the theater.  I think it might have been The Town, actually.  But the trailer for Catfish stuck in my head€¦ it basically gave you the premise of the movie, but then ended in such a way that you had no idea where they were going to go with the story.  Basically, it€™s a documentary of what happens when Nev Schurman, a photographer living in New York City, happens to have one of his photos appear in the New Yorker and receives a painting of it in the mail from an 8-year-old girl named Abby.  Nev ends up becoming friends with Abby and her whole family, who live in Michigan and essentially starts a relationship with her older sister, Megan.  The movie starts to turn interesting when Nev and his friends that are documenting the whole story decide to make the trek to Michigan to meet this €œFacebook family€.  Nev dubs them that because most of his interactions with them have been via Facebook or texts/phone calls. If you know anything about Mark Zuckerberg, you may have heard how he is very big on openness and making the world a more connected place.  The caption on his Facebook page states €œI'm trying to make the world a more open place by helping people connect and share.€  Catfish takes you into the world of what can happen when this is the case.  A world where people are encouraged to share their pictures, friends, and personal lives with their friends, €œfriends€, or even everyone else in the world with access to a computer.  In Catfish, Nev is very open, sharing a lot of himself with his newfound €œFacebook family€.  But what happens when you are encouraged to share and you don€™t like yourself enough to share the true you?  Facebook (and the Internet in general) make it possible to hide the true you behind a computer screen.  You hear people joke all the time about meeting people online and how a young girl could really potentially be some middle-aged man.  And it€™s true€¦ it€™s possible to create a whole new identity for yourself.  Only the one behind the keyboard truly knows. So in a world where Facebook is encouraging us to be open with our lives, how do we know who or what everyone is really being open about?  Is the person you present on the Internet really you?  Is it someone made up?  Is it some other form of you?  Does what your €œfriends€ know and think about you match up to what your friends know and think?  I won€™t give away the movie, whether Abby and her family end up really being who Nev thinks they are or not, but it definitely gives you something to think about.  In a world where we are encouraged to share our lives online, are you sharing who you really are or only who would like to be?

For a long time in my life now, I have pretty consistently been surrounded by guys.  As a girl in IT, and a developer at that, this places me into a very male-dominated field.  I was not the only girl developer on my team at my last job, so it wasn't too bad, but at my current job, I'm the only female developer in the entire company.  And I've also somehow ended up being the only girl that plays poker with the guys at my work as well.  And then, as if being a minority at work isn't enough, I decided to get my MBA.  I discovered the exact ratio of guys to girls in my marketing class this week when we did an experiment with marketing segmentation.  Yep, it's five to one.  Twenty-five guys, five girls.  So you can imagine that I am used to experiencing a lot of testosterone in my day to day interactions.  In light of this fact, I've found the need to make an effort to try to connect with some of the girls in my life a bit more, and on a more regular basis.  So... a few months ago I planned our first regular "girls night out". There are a few girls that I have encountered on Facebook that have entered my life in or for various reasons that have been a great source of encouragement to me over the last few months that I have wanted to get to know better and spend some more time with, and I thought of them as I planned this first girls night.  Hollie I went to high school with, and she found me on Facebook about a year and half ago and we reconnected and hung out a few times.  Melanie I used to go to a church singles group with.  Heather recently started dating my friend Ian.  Seren has been my best friend since I was nine years old.  Stacy I worked with at Walmart years and years ago, and we've been friends ever since.  JoAnn is dating my co-worker Ryan.  And Carrie I think I initially met through a message board online and then in person when she moved to Indy from Illinois.  I do know quite a few girls, but I didn't want it to grow too big and these are all girls that have consistently made attempts to establish good friendships with me.  Not all of them have even made it to a girls night yet, but only because money or prior commitments have gotten in the way. Our first two girls nights have been dinner, a movie, and cheesecake afterwards.  So far, this schedule seems to work out well and be enjoyed by everyone, but I'm sure we will venture into some new things in the future.  Our last girls night we decided to have dinner at P.F. Chang's and go see Eat Pray Love.  I've actually read part (but not all) of the book this movie is based on, and I enjoyed the part I read, so I thought the movie looked like it would be worth seeing.  The movie and book are actually a true story of the author's year spent in the countries of Italy, India, and Indonesia.  Elizabeth Gilbert, the author, recounts how after her divorce, she decided to take a year and visit these countries to see what she might learn about the world as well as herself along the way. The movie has actually gotten quite a bit of negative reviews.  I find this interesting for a number of reasons.  Most of the negative reviews that I've read have said similar things.  "An unrelatable character."  "A self-indulgent movie."  "A self-indulgent wallow in upper-class privilege feigning depth by cloaking itself in fortune cookie wisdom."  "Selfish, shallow, immature narcissist." (said about the main character and author)  "Trapped with a person of privilege that won't stop with the whine whine whine."  Wow, they sure have some things to say about the movie and author, don't they? What I want to know is... why is it self-indulgent to take a year to travel the world and learn more about yourself?  Is our country so caught up in the "grow up, get a job, get married, have kids" phenomenon that any other alternative is considered self-indulgent or unacceptable?  This bothers me.  I'm 30 years old and have a good job and no kids.  I make enough money and get enough paid vacation time that I can travel several times a year to various places around the globe.  And each time I do, I learn something new about the world and about myself also.  I honestly don't really plan to have kids.  I don't have a problem with them, but I think I prefer to not further the world's population and instead further my own experiences.  Is this selfish of me?  Not in my opinion.  It's my life.  I was only given one.  And I'm the only one that can make the decisions about it.  As long as I'm not hurting anyone else, why shouldn't I travel and do things for myself as much as I can?  Why shouldn't I seek to make my life on earth what I want it to be so that one day I can look back on it with no regrets? So I say - ignore the bad reviews.  If you are a woman, or anyone for that matter, that has ever known what it's like to be so confused about your life that you just don't know what step to take next, go see Eat Pray Love.  And even better, read the book.  I'm working through it right now, re-reading the parts I've already read.  It has a good message in the end.  You will learn something new in every country that you visit with the author, as well as be reminded of things you already knew but tend to forget.  Go enjoy life, accept yourself, and love and be loved... that's what I got out of it.  And couldn't we all use a reminder to do those things?

(Disclaimer: this post is NOT meant to offend anyone. It is not meant to bash on ANY religion or lack thereof, and I basically consider it to be NON-religious. I feel the thoughts I've presented are not exclusive to any religion or lack of religion. They are simply meant to be thought-provoking, so please... no arguments on my blog, only comments. Thanks!) I just watched the movie Revolutionary Road, with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio (and no, it's nothing like Titanic). It's about a married couple in the 1950's that has it in their head that they're "different", that they're not going to become just like the typical suburban family with two kids and a white picket fence. Yet they wake up one day to realize that that's exactly what they've unintentionally become. I really liked this movie, and I recommend it, but be forewarned - it is somewhat depressing. That's all I'll say, I don't want to give away the ending... or any of the movie, really, because it isn't just about the ending. The movie itself is all about the journey this family is on. You should definitely watch it for yourself, but I think I can talk about the premise behind it without really giving any of it away. I loved how thought-provoking this movie was. It really makes you think about life and the meaning behind it. Or rather, the meaning we give to it. Countless people, myself included, generally have had this idea that there is a "meaning of life". A lot of people seek that in religion or in this man called Jesus. Other people seek it in the ideas of Buddhism or enlightment. Others seek it in humanity via the idea of humanism. Still others disregard it and simply live life, not really seeking any meaning to it at all. But what is it? Is there one meaning to life? I was thinking about all of this (yes, I know - how deep and/or cliche can you get, right? pondering the meaning of life?) and started wondering... maybe there just is no meaning to life. Or maybe life is its own meaning. Have I lost you yet? Does God exist? I'm not going to claim by any means to have the market cornered on that one. I don't know that any healthy, sane, truly spiritual person really would. Some believe it because they choose to, but as we all know, there is no definitive proof. At least none that is enough to convince those staunch atheists out there. But let's say he does. I'm also not going to claim to know his agenda or what's on his mind. Some Christians would disagree with me, but I'm going to put out the idea that maybe it's not entirely relevant. Maybe, just maybe, God does exist, and he did create us... he did create the world we are in. But what if he left the meaning up to us? Christian or non-Christian, atheist or agnostic, Buddhist or humanist, what do YOU believe the meaning of life is? What goal do you ultimately pursue? What are you trying to attain with your life? Maybe that's the whole point of this. Maybe we each have different meanings to our lives. What if the point is... not to search for the meaning of life, but to create it? Here's what we have - a magnificent world (however it got here) filled with human beings, animals, plants, and all the things that have been created or sprouted up in-between. Now - what are we going to do with it? We've each been given a life - is it possible that there is no definitive purpose for it? Maybe the point is simply to take what we have in front of us - all the possibilities that are out there (and no matter what you say, I believe that there are exponential possibilities for every life) and do what YOU want with it. No right, no wrong (and by that I don't mean the moral definition of right and wrong), no good, no bad, no better, no worse... just find what you want and do it. What if God is sitting up there watching just to see what people do with all the possibilities they have, and he's perplexed by all of the people spending so much time trying to figure out why they're here or what the right thing to do with their life is? What if he just wants them to create their own meaning with it? Or... what if there's simply no God at all? (I'm still here, I promise lightning didn't strike me after typing that last question.) In the words of Switchfoot - it's your life... are you who you want to be?